You don't normally have a list and used to browse like you are window shopping a clothing store. “I'll go in to see what's new.” It was your relaxation technique. You enjoyed looking through the sale paper on your laptop and mentally check the sale items. Now sometimes you're not even sure the item you want is there.
You'd never though you'd have to mark on a calendar when you last shopped but here we are. And today is the day you have to go outside.
Now you must get in, get out. Which you're fine with but the fine precision needed is what's causing you more awake at night than usual.
Empty shelves of staples you'd never considered buying you are not left with no choice but just to get what you're left with. What do you make with a head of cauliflower when you hate cauliflower? It's no longer a matter of brand loyalty but just the item. Not Tropicana just OJ. No Bounty or Charmin', just paper towels and toilet paper. You're suddenly thankful that you live in a vegetarian household as you over hear the butcher checking inventory, “All we have is turkey burgers.”
What's worst is people will ignore the 6ft distance rule for someone who is as small as you. It's annoying, frustrating, sending your social and general anxiety on high alert. But the simple sight of empty shelves you'd never see empty as you enter? It's a weird feeling to have your mind and body suddenly hit the brakes. It's not just a brain freeze but slo-mo effect before your eyes. Everything is grinding to a slow turtle pace as your mind is now just riding on the car crash momentum.
Worse is when the item you need on is on the high shelf and you're even more afraid to ask someone to get it for you. You contemplate standing on the shelf for support but your brain says contamination.
You try to support your local Asian markets but when you walk 30 minutes to be greeted with gates and a handwritten sign apologizing for this “chaotic time” -- what then? You're happy but also sad. We are people too with families and elderly to care for so it's for the best. However there's a gaping hole where your go-to comfort foods of Milo, frozen mushroom and pork dumplings and yu choy use to be.
Coming home you still have make sure you have taking off your shoes, coat with precision to that touch your hands before washing. It's worse when you'r husband wants news of the outside world as you step back inside. You can't miss a step in the process; otherwise you will have to repeat the process. You'd think your hands would get dry and cracked at the palms but instead it's at your fingertips, under the nail where you can't reach or moisturize.
At least once it's all done you can finally breath again.
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